There's Actually Competition for Rebecca Black's Friday

I'm sorry. But I had to bring that up, because I just came across the most horrifying thing I've ever seen in the history of this universe. It's almost as bad, no, it's as bad as Friday. For those of you who missed the hype back in 2011 or just want a reminder of how bad it was, here's the Friday music video:

Yeah, it was that bad. Do you remember now? I sure as heck do and I won't be watching the video again. *secretly watches it one more time* I don't know what it is, but I just love watching dumb things. It's funny and I like to bathe in the funniness, okay?

Do you guys remember Rebecca Black x2 from last year? You know... the two girls who were talking about how hot they were and stuff?

Here's the video for y'all who want to watch it. A little warning, though, your ears might just die.

The reason I'm showing you guys these horrible songs is that there's a new song and video in YouTube world, baby!

Anyway, Rebecca Black and these two girls, whoever they are, had better watch out because this song is about to break some ears. It's about Chinese food and how awesome it is and how the singer absolutely loves it. No, I'm not joking. Not surprisingly, it was written by the same dude who wrote Friday. Ugh. He really needs a new job.

I have so many things to criticize about this video.

1. What's with those random subtitles?
2. This little girl, Alison, went clubbing, then hugging, then got hungry? Are you serious?
3. She just starts to point out all the stuff she likes.
4. She meets a panda and goes frolicking in the meadows with him.
5. That panda turns out to be that rapper in the Friday video.
6. That panda hangs out with little girls and plays monopoly. Only because monopoly rhymes with broccoli.
7. He actually raps about Chinese food with this creepy smile on his face. Uh. Pedo bear alert?
8. Then these geishas just pop up and start to dance.
9. The panda flies out of the roof on a rainbow.

Shudders. This is what I imagine happens during the process of writing the song.

Writer: So what do you like?
Alison: Uh, I don't know.
Writer: Oh, come on. Just tell me anything you like.
Alison: I like pandas, and food, and China. I wish I was Chinese.
Writer: *ten seconds later* Wrote this for you.

To be fair, though, Chinese food is pretty awesome, I guess. What do you think was the worst song of them all?

-Barista Mia-