Long distance relationships. What's with that voice in the back of your head, or coming from someone else, saying that these are pointless? Sure, there are some reasons why this can be the case, but not always.

Many people consider having a boyfriend or girlfriend hundreds of miles away whom you can't see to be a waste of time. You can't go out with them, you can't kiss them or hold their hand. You can only ever see them on video-chat. And personally, although I have a long distance boyfriend, I have telephonophobia, and video-chat is like the telephone but with added motion picture torture, so that's that option out the window.

Does the relationship suffer, though? No, it doesn't. Texting is more than enough and some great conversations can be had on it. I have texted and written to people I've never seen in real life for so long that it's second nature to me now.

There are lots of things you can do in a relationship over the Internet, phone, etc. If you do like live calls, they can be great fun (or so I'm guessing!). You can play a game such as truth or dare, would you rather, or two-truths-and-a-lie (in which you give three facts about yourself, one of which is false, and your partner has to guess which one that is). You can watch a movie at the same time. You can send each other things through the post. Plus, of course, you can make plans to meet up in real life some day.

How do you know they're not cheating on you? My advice is to only enter a relationship if you are able to trust the person so much that there is absolutely no doubt in your mind that they are not. This way you'll never have to worry and you can be sure of their dedication.

If you are worried about not being able to see someone you're so close to, think about the idea of believing in God or gods. If you are a believer you probably look to God as a friend as well as a judge and a helper. Even though you can't exactly take Him out for a pizza, if you really believe strongly enough, He's always there, somewhere in the sky above the treetops (that's where I look when I need to talk to Him, anyway!) You can't see Him, but you know there's someone out there who knows you and cares about you.

So, what do you think about long distance relationships? Are you in one, and what is your experience with it? Let us know in the comments!


-Barista Sabita-

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Sometimes when you meet people, you just know; you were made to be friends. Everything just clicks, but you don’t really know them that well. Or maybe someone of your preferred gender catches your eye in another way, and you can’t stop daydreaming about them. What to do? Unfortunately, we’re beyond the easy-breezy Kindergarten days when you could just walk up to someone and say ‘hey, wanna be friends?’ or ‘I like you’ (kids are super cute, aren’t they?). When you’re a teen or young adult, it starts to get trickier. I mean, you could just be blunt and forward if you want to, but that’s braver than most of us are up for. So I have some ideas of ways to subtly get to know people better, while gauging if they reciprocate your feelings (whether those feelings be friendship or something more).

Part 1: Friends

Ask them to do things with/for you, and if you can do things for them

While it’s definitely not a good idea to pawn personal work onto other people, if you’re having trouble doing something, you can always ask them for assistance or advice, especially if it’s really a two-person job or they’re more experienced than you are. For example, if you’re really struggling with a math concept and you know the person is an expert, you could casually ask “Hey, did you figure out last night’s math homework? I had trouble with problem eight.” For a lot of people, that’s invitation enough to help you work it out, or maybe even set up a study/tutor group. Or you could reverse things and do something for them, which is even better, because not only do you get to spend time with them, but they’ll see you’re a helpful, kind person.

Be places you know they’ll be

It could be anything from walking past science class when you know they’re getting out, to finding their lunch place at the cafeteria, to asking a mutual friend to invite you both to hang. The main point here is to be casual, and not obsess over seeing them; just take the opportunities you know they’ll be around, and try to make them. Or you could go a step further and try to see if they have any casual plans, such as seeing a movie or grabbing something to eat, and casually mention ‘Oh, that sounds fun!’ That way, it’s up to them whether they shrug it off or invite you to join them- you don’t feel pushy or get rejected, and they don’t feel like you’re impeding their personal space or like they have to let you join them if they’d rather not. If they do invite you or, better yet, if they start inviting you to things without you even saying anything about it, you’ll know they’re likely interested in hanging out more.

Don’t be afraid to be bold

If you’re tired of waiting around for the right moment, you can always just go for it and ask them to do something with you. If you’re concerned about rejection, you can make it casual: ‘Hey, I’m going bowling at the new rink and looking to go with some people. Is that your kinda thing?’ Again it lets them back out without having to feel bad, and you can then go with other people if it turns out they can’t or don’t wanna hang that day. Of course there’s nothing wrong with just asking ‘Wanna go bowling tonight?’ but if you’re shy like me, the other way is a good starting point.

Part 2: More than Friends

Of course the tips above still apply to when you just wanna hang out and get to know your crush better first, or casually ask them out as friends. But what about when you’re not sure if you’re the only one with feelings beyond friendship, or you want to let your crush know what they mean to you without flat out saying it? When you’re ready to make the move, here are some ideas.

Gauge their interest of you/actions around you

Does your crush always seem eager to see you, or does he/she seem content to hang with the group when you’re not there? Do you get the same greeting as other friends, or is yours different in some way, such as being gentler, shyer, or sweeter? While these signs aren’t proof that the crush is reciprocated and you definitely don’t want to overanalyze or blow things out of proportion, these are some good things to watch for to help get an idea if there might be something there, or if you’re just a friend to this person. It’s best to look for these if you’ve already been friends for awhile so that you don’t mistake new-person shyness as nervous crushing, etc.  The sad truth is, you’ll never really know unless you ask, but doing a subtle analysis could save you some trouble if you find out that you’re treated just the same as his guy friends or if she smiles at everyone that way- because if there’s no difference, you’re likely just a friend (unless he/she is just an amazingly private person). Again, you never know.

Indicate your own interest

Given the complicated nature of the tip above, you can see why you might get to a point where you just want to make it clear that you are interested, and then leave it up to your crush to either reciprocate or not. The best ways to do that are to reverse the above; let yourself smile shyly at him, or giggle at all of her jokes even if they’re just silly (basically, just don’t do anything to hide the crush like you might normally do). You get to decide how obvious you are about this- if he’s the only one who sees your special smile and wonders about it, or if everyone within ten miles knows that you’re crazy for him/her. Just remember that people might tease you, especially if you go over the top. While I’m not saying that’s a reason to stop, I am saying that you don’t want to get carried away and should make a game plan so you know what you’re willing to reveal about yourself before you get into the heat of the moment. If you want your crush to be a secret, don’t do these things, because someone’s likely to catch on.

Drop some hints

If you’re ready to go even further and make it super clear that you’d like to go out with this person, you can start dropping some subtle- or not-so-subtle- hints to let them know how you feel. ‘Hey, I’m seeing a movie tonight and I’d really like you there to cuddle with’ while you wink is way more obvious (lol) than ‘You doing anything tonight? I’d really like it if we could hang out, just the two of us.’- although both will probably get the message across. This can be a super tricky zone, and just know: your crush is pretty obvious at this point to everyone involved, and you don’t want to make a fool of yourself. I certainly would never say the first line or wink at anyone, but maybe you would if you’re super flirty- the point is, don’t push yourself to do or say anything you wouldn’t usually do. And note; the bolder, more obvious you are, the more exact the person will have to be in their answer, and if they don’t feel the same, it could make it even more difficult on the two of you. I would definitely have an idea that they do, indeed, feel the same for you before you try this. And it’s up to you whether you approach them in a group or alone. Just make sure you’re ok with the entire group seeing you flirt with this person if you go that route, and that you don’t make the person uncomfortable no matter how you go about it.

Final notes

So yeah. Becoming friends with someone- or especially something more- can be super tricky if you’re shy, or just don’t know how to go about it. Just remember to treat everyone with respect and kindness, and not to push anyone to do anything they don’t want to, or make them uncomfortable. Unfortunately, not everyone that you want to hang with wants to hang with you, and not everyone you crush on feels the same way. But that’s ok, because the more you try to be social, the more people you meet and try to get to know, the better chance you have of meeting your new best friend, or scoring a date with an amazing girl or guy.

And if you’re a girl who wants to skip all the games and guesses and just ask that guy out, Barista Mia just wrote a post on that, so check hers out.


-Barista Nicole-

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It's 2014, yo! As embarrassing as it is, I think it's time for women to stand up and ask their crushes out. Waiting can get a little tiring after a while, you know. But what are some creative ways to ask a guy out?

Write him a note and tuck it where he can find it later

In his pocket, in his bag, in his locker, in his umbrella, in his hat, in his book... Tuck it somewhere as a surprise for him. It'll be a totally special discovery.

Sing it

If you're musically gifted (unlike me), sing a love song to him. If he smiles or responds to your song in another positive way, ask him out at the end of the song.

Play the Question Game

Basically, ask each other questions, taking turns to answer them. And halfway through the game, BAM, ask him out. If you're lucky, he'll say yes.

If you're too chicken to do something in real life, go virtual

Of course, asking a guy out over FB is the worst idea ever. Instead, make a video on YouTube and send a private link to him.

Watch a movie together

I've personally never tried this, but it works in movies so why can't it work in real life? Just watch a movie together and you'll end up kissing when the mood allows it. It's the golden Hollywood rule.

Steal his phone and put in a reminder to ask YOU out

Saves you all the trouble from actually asking the dude out. Clever, eh?


-Barista Mia-

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Valentine's Day is comin' up and we all know how awkward this special day could be. I mean, like, how are you supposed to ACT without looking so out of place? Well, you aren't alone if you feel uncomfortable whenever Valentine's Day comes along.

Here are just some of the most awkward moments I and countless others experience:

You're invited to spend time with this guy you've had a crush on since forever, but a date is CLEARLY not on his mind

For Valentine's Day, isn't it customary to watch a romantic comedy, not, y'know, a movie with more sliced heads per frame than kissing?

You TRY to be all romantic and stuff, but stupid things keep distracting ya

You go in for the kiss and then, ring ring, the phone stops you. You start to cuddle and then your brother decides to barge into your room... You get the picture.

You really REALLY want to break up with this person, but it's Valentine's Day, and it's rude

A break up's been on your mind for a while, but now that Valentine's Day has arrived, you just can't end a relationship. It'll just make you seem heartless.

You give your date a gift, but your date has NOTHING for you

Are you serious?

You cook something, but it seems like your date isn't really enjoying the food

I spent five hours cooking that, yo. Just please, PLEASE tell me it's good!

You're single (like me) and you're surrounded by couples everywhere

Sometimes, it makes you feel like a loner. Other times, well, Barista Ria has some solutions.

You're kinda going out with someone, but you aren't totally sure, so you don't know whether you should be together on Valentine's Day

Ah. The inner turmoil of deciding whether you are boyfriend-girlfriend. Sigh.


-Barista Mia-

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The quickening arrival of Valentine's Day is likely to either fill you with excitement or... well, the opposite. Some people very much enjoy being single, I mean, you get to be fairly independent and of course, you don't feel guilty every time you notice an insanely attractive boy or girl (and it doesn't matter if you take an obvious glance). However, sometimes, on this day in particular, you just can't help but notice the lovey-dovey couples and feel a slight surge of what might be envy or desire. Don't worry though- you don't have to spend this Valentine's Day moping, or even alone for that matter!

If you have some single friends who are also free on February 14th, why not spend it together? Friends are important, arguably just as much or even more than a boyfriend or girlfriend. So have a party, a sleepover, a night out... Maybe watch some soppy films or extremely non-soppy films (if you intend on avoiding the romantic theme altogether). Show your friends just how important they are to you, because after all- this is a day of love.

Speaking of expressing feelings of love, show your parents (or any other family members for that matter) just how much you appreciate them! Whether you decide to cook them something delicious for dinner or buy a well-thought-out gift, whatever you do will go very much appreciated. Remember, February 14th is a day to celebrate love, whether it be platonic, romantic or just love between family members.

You could also make this day a You-Day. By this I mean seriously pampering yourself. Buy (or even send) yourself chocolates and make sure you have stocked up on ice-cream. Treat yourself to something, and don't feel guilty, because after all, this day is all about you. Do everything you enjoy, and be sincere about it! It is important to love oneself, just as much as it is important to love others.

So don't fret as Valentine's Day looms ever closer. Instead- celebrate it!

-Barista Ria-

Image: Selena N. B. H.

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I’ve had heaps of practice with being single. It’s not like I didn’t have a chance to get a boyfriend, but I never found it a practical way to spend my youth. I mean, I know I’m going to get married one day and I’ll spend the rest of my life with a husband, so I don’t want to spend my younger days caught up in some boy because I’ll have plenty of time for that later. Anyway, there are so many ways you can do to have fun MINUS a significant other and I know that from my eighteen years of experience.

Have a girl’s night out

Girl’s night outs are the best thing ever since I-don’t-even-know-what. You can go watch movies, musicals... You can go shopping, go on a trip, and have adventures. Just be careful not to end up somewhere sketchy with your girls.

Flirt

You don’t have the commitment of having to flirt with just one guy, le boyfriend. When you’re single, you can shamelessly flirt with all the guys you think are ka-yoot. Talk to guys, wink at guys, give guys “the look”. LOL. Have some fun!

Do something useful with your time

I know a lot of my friends have their homework forgotten on their beds because they have to be with their girlfriend/boyfriend. When you’re single, you can use your time to catch up with your homework and projects.

Hang out with your single friends

There’s something really fun about hanging out with fellow single people. I always have the most fun with them for some reason. Oh, and it’s always fun going in between couples and then laughing like crazy afterwards for splitting up their embrace.

As you can see, there are a whole heap of things you can do boyfriend/girlfriend-less. In fact, you can do almost EVERYTHING AND MORE than couples can do. Like, even for some couple-centric things like dances and stuff (note: I said "some" because save your lips up for your future love, alright?), you can just grab a guy friend and hang out with him for the day. No problem.


-Barista Mia-

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